Friday, 20 April 2012

age defines

You know how when you disappear down a rabbit hole you don't see that the lights have just gone out till much later?'s taken me quite a while to find the light swtich. 50's have been and gone and now it's the 60's; my 60's that is, not yours!

As a way of trying to see inside my head (yes, I want to!) I've chosen collage as a way of visual thinking, of articulating what I can't say out loud........and it works, I think, for me, at any rate.

I spent my dreaded birthday week in the studio 'doing' collage; making, writing, reflecting, more writing, more get the idea. I created 5 'visual' insights that week and then began to untangle the mesh of what I thought I was seeing. Several weeks down the line, I'm still unravelling. Therapy might be less tortuous but this is what I've chosen to do, I'm not complaining.

 I devised various strategies or 'voices' of interpretation, not all of them worked in that I seemed to be writing the same things but in a slightly different way, over and over. I tried interviewing myself, making videos of myself, I even wrote a 12 ft long scroll as part of my self analysis. This is what happens when you try to be too clever, to outsmart yourself. Your hair curls.

And then I began to make, rather than to write, to think through my fingers, literally:

Much better!

Sometimes we forget who we are are we struggle to look for ourselves.
There's a line by Jane Hirschfield as she watches herself from a distance, wondering what she would say to herself, now, would she be angry, reproachful, compassionate?:

                                       'I whose choices made her what she will be'.

I'm doing that now with these collages, it's driving me nuts but I can't stop.
So what am I saying here, what's the point of this ramble?
Well, maybe nothing more than to remind myself that I'm still here, despite it all. I'll keep going.


  1. Hello
    I have only just found you - I saw your video on youtube - stunning work you make and reading your story resonates - particularly working things out through your hands. I am drawn to textiles - I draw too but I want to make more. Can you say how have you made these structures?
    Thank you for sharing.

  2. they're made from silk and metal as well as some hand dyed silk satin; takes a long time to do the process, involves shibori. But the end result was good, I was pleased with it. Glad it resonated with you. Thanks for your supportive comments.

    1. hope this encourages you in your own journey Jane, thanks for your comment.


If you feel this resonates with your own experience in some way then feel free to comment.